ONLINE THERAPY SERVICES
ONLINE COUNSELLING & PSYCHOTHERAPY
All copyrights reserved. Online Therapy Services

Online counselling & Psychotherapy

Common questions and most requested support options

How long do you need to stay in therapy? The number of therapy sessions needed will be dependant on a number of conditions, firstly how complex are the issues involved and what does the client want to achieve. A seemingly simple problem to the client set around becoming more confident, could lead to the therapy uncovering major problems with self-worth and low self-esteem, stemming from being bullied at school or child abuse, a much more complex problem emerges that will need more time. So, it is almost impossible to discover how many sessions you will need from the first consultation. A good way to measure this is to reassess the therapy every four sessions or so and ask, Have I made any progress? do I need more therapy? What do I want to do now? How long will it take to feel any benefit from therapy? Many people feel that the first online counselling or psychotherapy session has made a difference to how they feel, some feel lighter and better-off and others can feel emotionally tired but less confused, the experience is always going to be unique to the person, it will also vary considerably form person to person, but normally I find the outcome is usually positive and constructive and well received. A client’s expectations can have very important impact on progress, someone who has very little self-compassion and has unrealistic expectations, can set themselves up to fail. Expecting to much progress can make any benefit they notice look like a disappointment, not a beneficial change, this is where the therapist can help support the client by challenging their expectations and maybe building self-compassion. Sometimes a lot of fast beneficial changes can have its own problems, it can take time to adapt to the new way of being, becoming more confident will often bring more experiences and opportunities, that can mean more social contact, and that can be a bit unnerving at first until they get used to it. How long you will take to feel any benefit from having therapy online will depend on your expectations and ability to change. Recovering from traumatic life changes As people we are all individuals and when we have experienced a traumatic event in our lives it can have a major impact on our ability to cope, and finding a way past it can take a life time. Online therapy can help speed up the time needed for recovery from past trauma or help you to start to live a new life, by remaining hidden from the on-line therapist it can help you feel less exposed and safer and help you feel more relaxed and able to talk with less anxiety. Past experiences have a way of holding people back, post-traumatic stress and constant negative thoughts and feelings may surface or keep you from connecting with the people you love, self-blame or low self-worth issues can limit your own ability to find a better future.

Some common thoughts

How do I get past this? I need to find some answers? How do I cope with this? This needs to change? Feeling worthless right now? I need to talk? I need to sort out my head? I need to find a new me? Why do I feel this way? We all experience life’s up and downs and generally manage to cope, when we experience life changing events like a death of a loved one, or the loss of a partner through divorce or separation, it becomes an event that changes how we feel about our life and who we are as people. These changes and experiences sometimes gives us a sense of wisdom and a deeper knowledge about ourselves, but it can also hold us back, limiting our life in ways that can seem like an unending struggle,  problems like depression, self confidence, low self esteem, and other issues can arise that can change how we view our ourself. The university of life and hard knocks When we were born no one gave us instructions on how to become a person in our own right, there was no exams in growing up to pass before we embarked on living our own life, we learned by trial and error and our family became our school of emotional and behavioural education in the first early and teenage years. The problem with learning from example, is that a family can include people who have their own unique emotional and behavioural problems, difficulties with all kinds of abuse within a family can also have a major and lasting effect on a person’s future life, parents can unknowingly pass on bad examples they learned from their family, carrying on the abuse from one generation to another.

Supportive family

Even if we have a good supporting and loving family, we can still have experiences that have a lasting impact on our life, such as experiencing a marriage or relationship breakdown, being bullied in school or experiencing a traumatic event. Most people eventually learn to cope in ways that allow them to carry on, people often use therapy for support, or they manage on their own if they can eventually process the emotional content, understand it, come to terms with it and then move on. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to deal with the hurt and pain, all they can do at the time is suppress it, hide it, or constantly distract themselves from the emotional baggage and get on with life, or so it seems, but in all reality, it often manifests itself as a personal issue, such as low self-esteem, major depression, or issues with insecurity, anxiety issues, panic attacks and eating disorders, amongst others. If you are trying to deal with, or sort through, your issues and emotional problems you do not have to do it alone Therapeutic options from life coaching, online counselling and psychotherapy can help resolve some issues overtime, and many people do find therapy helps them sort through the internal conflicts and difficult emotions involved, a therapy website like this is worth considering the worthwhile options.  Some common reasons people request online counselling & psychotherapy The two most common problems I see as an online therapist are mainly issues dealing with anxiety and abuse, below  is an overview of some common problems that I see working as an online therapist. Problems with Anxiety I often provide online therapy for people dealing with anxiety issues. Anxiety can be a very complex issue that many people struggle to control on a daily basis, it can start becoming a problem early on in life, or it can become an issue people experience in later life, it can grow over time or develop almost instantly after an emotionally upsetting or frightening experience, such as a physical attack or being betrayed by a cheating partner. Some anxiety is positive and very helpful, it actually works very well at keeping us safe, by creating uncomfortable feelings that can bring our attention to possible physical dangers, it will also heighten our awareness of possible situations, that maybe socially unacceptable and affect the persons social standing, or emotionally hurtful. Trying to solve the anxiety conundrum? How much anxiety should we be feeling at any given time? What does a normal level of anxiety actually feel like?  One of the things that can work against you when trying to reduce your levels of anxiety is your own unrealistic expectations, most people feel anxious in certain situations. Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes people can be very hard on themselves, expecting to much and lacking any self compassion, are you over thinking things? Have you developed a bad thinking habit that keeps activating your imagination, looking for and expecting to find fearful things where there are none? Are your own judgements about yourself creating more anxiety, for instance, if you think that you should not feel anxious when attending an interview for a job you really want, that is an unrealistic expectation that will set you up to fail and even create a lot more anxiety, this is where therapy can help. Anxiety is part of you, it’s not some outer force working to harm you, it is actually an inner force trying to help you stay safe, therapy can help you to address the problem, actively supporting you while trying to solve your relationship with yourself and your anxiety. Online counselling using a therapy service like this may help you achieve some success. More info Managing Stress Life is stressful, we all understand that in this world we will have to deal with all kinds of stress inducing experiences at some point in time, and in general we usually cope with it. But there can be a price to pay if all we do is cope with situations and carry on regardless, what does coping actually mean? well it does not mean that people solve any problems or actually deal with the issue creating the stress in the first place, it may only indicate that they have managed to continue to contain the internal pressure and end up adjusting to the extra load they carry and continue on as before. Sometimes there is no fixing it, right? If you find yourself losing your job or going through a messy divorce you have no choice but to carry on and cope as best you can, right? Well yes and no. How you manage your stressful thoughts and feelings is going to make a big difference to the impact stress has on you especially over time, if you learn to better understand how your physical actions and your emotional health can increase or decrease stress, you will be better equipped to handle the real problem that is long term stress. More info Let me tell you a simple fact about coping. Short term worry and anxiety created by stress is not pleasant to experience but is also not generally permanently debilitating, but suffering long term stress can over time negatively affect your physical and mental health. A simple fact is that people who cannot share their problems or are not able to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings, will not do as well in the long or short term. People who have a very supportive network of friends and family, will cope much better with any life changing experiences and may even recover faster, not everyone has a good support network, but that’s where therapy becomes essential. The ability to talk to a person who is not directly involved in your life, like an online counsellor or psychotherapist, can be a very valuable option for finding support. With this online therapy service I have been providing ongoing support for all kind of life changing events, I add an extra element to the mix of choices available. Coping with depression and recovery from being depressed

Are you coping with depression?

If you are feeling depressed or struggling to cope with low moods and feelings of hopelessness? You’re not alone, depression is a very common condition that can last from a few days, months or even years, unfortunately for some people it can also be a chronic lifelong problem There is no outright medical cure for depression, you can’t just take a pill to make it better like you can with antibiotics when curing an infection, no matter what the drug companies try to suggest. Antidepressants can be useful and valuable option for helping people suffering with depression, but they do not work for everyone, it can even make it harder to recover in some cases by dampening the ability to feel, or they may have unpleasant side effects. There is affective help and support for people with depression, and talking about it will often help, in lots of ways communicating how you feel can be an empowering experience reducing your isolation and loneliness, using therapy and speaking to an online counsellor can help you share the burden you carry in a safe place, you do not have to do this alone. If someone you loved was suffering with depression, would you want to help? If so, why not let people help you? Remember that the longer you put off help the longer it can take to recover. Some people for instance who have high pressure careers in the medical or mental health services, like Doctors surgeon’s nurse’s dentist’s psychiatrists and psychologists, often feel that admitting to being depressed, or asking for help with depression, will affect their careers, I wish I could say that is not the case, but unfortunately sometimes there is still a stigma, in my experience it has improved a lot, some employers are actively promoting self care and offer private counselling without fear of being stigmatised. The perceived stigma that it brings can put off many people from seeking help sooner. Working online as a therapist I have talked to many people from the medical and mental health professions, who wanted support away from the normal support networks, I know that’s where online therapy has given them a safe confidential place to find help and support before it gets overwhelming. More info Surviving Abuse Unfortunately, there are many people in this world who are being abused and suffering actual physical harm and intense emotional distress or have been abused and are still trying to come to terms with life changing and distressing after-effects, either as children or adults. The physical damage and the emotional consequences don’t simply go away, they can remain to disrupt and dispossess the lifelong future prospects for living a productive life. But there is also hope, with professional assistance it is possible to reduce the emotional hurt and pain from the abuse. The after effects of abuse Post-traumatic stress disorder, complex anxiety and depression are common after-effects that can add a difficult dynamic to recovery, but people do make progress in time, and they can go on to lead a better happier life. Everyone responds to being a survivor of abuse in their own unique way, but there does seem to be some similarities that are often shared between them such as suffering damage to their level of self-worth and difficulty coping with feelings centred around guilt and shame. The first step to recovery One of the biggest and the most difficult steps towards recovery anyone can take, is actually building up the courage to talk to someone for the first time, about the abuse and what happened to them, this can be a very traumatic, vulnerable and emotional time, that needs to be experienced within a supportive compassionate respectful and emotionally sensitive environment. Remaining unseen by using sound only to have online counselling or psychotherapy is very helpful when talking about suffering from abuse, especially at an early stage in recovery. More info Problems with self-esteem? Problems saying no to others? That can suggest low self-worth and self-esteem issues. What does it mean if you place a low level of value on you as a person in your own right, or what happens to you if you don’t appreciate yourself as being as worthy or valuable as others are? You will find it harder to stand up to unfair demands or expectations placed on you by others and find it harder to appreciate your own abilities skills and opportunities, in turn your ability to succeed could be lowered by a lack of confidence stopping you from making beneficial life choices. Can you change who you are? Think of it this way, do you know who you can be? Your low self-worth is hiding who you really are, you are not trying to change your personality only reveal the true you. People who make changes and increase their self-worth sometimes find that they distance themselves from their usual friends and start to build new friendships based on a more equal and mutually respectful foundation, but this takes time and can feel like a lonely evolution, but eventually a better quality social network that provides support and trust evolves and replaces the old none supportive one. Do you have low self-worth, do you need to challenge your own thoughts about who you are and what maybe possible for you? Therapy can help. More info Problems with relationships Is your marriage in trouble? Having difficulty keeping relationships? Why did my relationship go wrong? People can have from the start or develop in time issues like jealousy or anger problems amongst others, even if the start seems promising over time problems with relating emotionally to their partner can become apparent, this creates an ever widening emotional distance between them affecting the very bonds like respect and trust they once enjoyed. People can forget that their partners are people who have their own thoughts and opinions hopes and dreams, they are independent entities in their own right, they need to be heard and understood to be able to better understand what is needed to help them feel loved enriched and respected. People who distance themselves from others or who are fiercely independent and think they do not need anyone else are actually excluding anyone from having a trusting and emotional connection with them, this can make any relationship difficult or impossible, people unable to make an emotional commitment can end relationships by creating situations to try and push away their partner when the relationship gets to a point in time when more commitment is needed, becoming angry or argumentative having affairs are just some of the problems that can be  evoked in this situation. Do I need to attend therapy with my partner? No you do not have to bring your partner into online relationship therapy, or when having marriage guidance to try and solve relationship problems. Many people find that having some therapy to help them cope with or find an answer to a problem is very supportive and helpful when they are without their partner, most of my clients have relationship guidance on their own. Why does love die? I find that people need two things to make a successful partnership, mutual trust and respect for each other, not all successful partnerships are based at the start from just love, arranged marriages can work out very well leading to a fulfilling partnership that builds on the respect and trust they have for each other becoming an emotionally strong and loving relationship in time. Not all marriages or partnerships propelled by mutual feelings of love will work out and not all arranged marriages will be unhappy ones, but in my experience if one partner loses their respect for the other, then trust will in all probability also become eroded and eventually the love they once held dear will diminish. Partnership braking events like discovering your partner is having sex with someone else or has been hiding the fact that they have an addiction and the consequentness have placed your home in jeopardy can be overcome in time if the right amount of commitment is still there, love and respect and trust can be shaken to the core but people do recover and sometimes make an even better relationship after working through the damaging  event. Before ending a relationship it is always worth having some therapy to see if this is what you really want. More info Sexual Identity & Sexuality Do you need to talk about sex? Do you find it embarrassing to talk about? One area that people find hard to discuss is their feelings centred on sexual identity and sexuality as well as confusion about their sexual expression and needs as a single person or while having a relationship. At any age and at any stage of a persons life questions centred around sexuality and sex can develop quite suddenly or grow over time until it becomes over whelming. Is it normal to feel this way? Who am I? Am I gay/straight/bisexual? Sexual uncertainty and confusion can place pressure on any relationship and overall effect the general happiness of your life. This can leave you feeling lost or uncertain about you and your emotional and physical desires. People who are in need of exploring questions they have about themselves on the subject of same sex attraction sexual fetishes or what is regarded normal in relation to sexual acts. They can feel a lesser amount of self-conscious feelings and more able to say what they need to when opening a channel of communication about the subject. The issues surrounding sex and relationships can often be difficult for you to talk about openly and honestly, when you are confused about your sexuality or sexual needs, this can make you feel isolated and stressed, this can also affect your relationships and self-worth, you may feel confused and hurt as well as depressed, you may understand how the anxiety is stopping you from finding new partners or enjoying the relationship you already have. Guilt and embarrassment are common reactions to sexual experiences that have left the person involved feeling confused about their sexuality when they have no need to be, this is where using sound only while having online therapy can be helpful. More info Learning to take on responsibility for your life The word responsibility can evoke thoughts of being tied down, or an overall loss of autonomy, it can appear to be about obligation and duty to others, it can even induce feelings of fear and anxiety at the prospect of being held accountable for their actions and choices in life. We do have a responsibility toward others in society, people are responsible for the love and wellbeing of their children, you are responsible for how your actions impact on the lives of the people around you.  Irresponsibility If you are judged to be mentally fit and of an aged to be seen as being accountable for your actions, being irresponsible does not reduce your responsibility towards others around you. Your actions can affect the lives of people in very damaging ways, a drunk driver who tries to offload guilt by blaming the car or the other person is still responsible for the choices they made. People suffering from Mental health problems such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy commonly do not accept responsibility for their own actions, they constantly blame others, a burglar may blame the person who they stole from for having an open window, it becomes the other persons fault, they ignore the fact that as a burglar they had made the choice to enter the property and take the contents without consent.   Learning to take responsibility Not everyone in therapy is ready to take on more responsibility, it can take time for them to grow the emotional confidence necessary, before they can take that step, it is not easy to adjust to life’s choices especially if a person has just managed to step away from a very controlling and abusive relationship. Lacking in confidence when dealing with low self-worth or insecurities is a common problem faced by many people trying to make changes to their lives, helping to adjust with counselling or psychotherapy is a good option as it enables change at a pace that is comfortable and sensitive to the individuals abilities, it can take time for confidence to grow and care is needed not to push people into taking on to much responsibility to quickly. When we take responsibility for our life does that lead to a lack of independence? No in fact the opposite is true, if we take full responsibility for our own lives we then have more freedom to do what we want when we want. If we take no responsibility for our actions does that make us unaccountable? Generally, every action and non-action is still your responsibility, culpability maybe more complex depending on age and mental health considerations, but if you make a choice, you are normally responsible for that action and how it impacts on others. If we leave the responsibility for our life choices to others is that becoming compliant? Either through controlling, abusive or fearful situations the ability to make choices can be taken away from people, they can actively give away their responsibility for their own lives by freely surrendering their freedoms as examples, committing to a religion or ideology or entering military service. Taking back control of your life If you feel that your life is out of control, or that you need or want to change your life? It may to some degree be about your ability to take the responsibility for your actions and life choices away from others. To be able take control of your life, you have to take the responsibility for that life and the choices you make, today, tomorrow and in the future. Taking responsibility for your thoughts actions and life choices means that you are actually free, you have the freedom to make the choices you want in the time that you want, when you want to. Freedom can be a very scary prospect, if you have always been told what to do and been told what to think, by family abusive people or peer groups and religious or cultural pressures, the idea of being held accountable for your choices maybe a alarming prospect, but this will depend on what is more important to you, the autonomy to make your own choices, or the freedom to accept your life as it is and continue as before. When we take the responsibility for our life we can actually help make change possible even when it seemed to be an impossibility before.
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All copyrights reserved. Online Therapy Services

Online counselling & Psychotherapy

Common questions and most requested support

options

How long do you need to stay in therapy? The number of therapy sessions needed will be dependant on a number of conditions, firstly how complex are the issues involved and what does the client want to achieve. A seemingly simple problem to the client set around becoming more confident, could lead to the therapy uncovering major problems with self-worth and low self-esteem, stemming from being bullied at school or child abuse, a much more complex problem emerges that will need more time. So, it is almost impossible to discover how many sessions you will need from the first consultation. A good way to measure this is to reassess the therapy every four sessions or so and ask, Have I made any progress? do I need more therapy? What do I want to do now? How long will it take to feel any benefit from therapy? Many people feel that the first online counselling or psychotherapy session has made a difference to how they feel, some feel lighter and better-off and others can feel emotionally tired but less confused, the experience is always going to be unique to the person, it will also vary considerably form person to person, but normally I find the outcome is usually positive and constructive and well received. A client’s expectations can have very important impact on progress, someone who has very little self-compassion and has unrealistic expectations, can set themselves up to fail. Expecting to much progress can make any benefit they notice look like a disappointment, not a beneficial change, this is where the therapist can help support the client by challenging their expectations and maybe building self-compassion. Sometimes a lot of fast beneficial changes can have its own problems, it can take time to adapt to the new way of being, becoming more confident will often bring more experiences and opportunities, that can mean more social contact, and that can be a bit unnerving at first until they get used to it. How long you will take to feel any benefit from having therapy online will depend on your expectations and ability to change. Recovering from traumatic life changes As people we are all individuals and when we have experienced a traumatic event in our lives it can have a major impact on our ability to cope, and finding a way past it can take a life time. Online therapy can help speed up the time needed for recovery from past trauma or help you to start to live a new life, by remaining hidden from the on-line therapist it can help you feel less exposed and safer and help you feel more relaxed and able to talk with less anxiety. Past experiences have a way of holding people back, post-traumatic stress and constant negative thoughts and feelings may surface or keep you from connecting with the people you love, self-blame or low self-worth issues can limit your own ability to find a better future.

Some common thoughts

How do I get past this? I need to find some answers? How do I cope with this? This needs to change? Feeling worthless right now? I need to talk? I need to sort out my head? I need to find a new me? Why do I feel this way? We all experience life’s up and downs and generally manage to cope, when we experience life changing events like a death of a loved one, or the loss of a partner through divorce or separation, it becomes an event that changes how we feel about our life and who we are as people. These changes and experiences sometimes gives us a sense of wisdom and a deeper knowledge about ourselves, but it can also hold us back, limiting our life in ways that can seem like an unending struggle,  problems like depression, self confidence, low self esteem, and other issues can arise that can change how we view our ourself. The university of life and hard knocks When we were born no one gave us instructions on how to become a person in our own right, there was no exams in growing up to pass before we embarked on living our own life, we learned by trial and error and our family became our school of emotional and behavioural education in the first early and teenage years. The problem with learning from example, is that a family can include people who have their own unique emotional and behavioural problems, difficulties with all kinds of abuse within a family can also have a major and lasting effect on a person’s future life, parents can unknowingly pass on bad examples they learned from their family, carrying on the abuse from one generation to another.

Supportive family

Even if we have a good supporting and loving family, we can still have experiences that have a lasting impact on our life, such as experiencing a marriage or relationship breakdown, being bullied in school or experiencing a traumatic event. Most people eventually learn to cope in ways that allow them to carry on, people often use therapy for support, or they manage on their own if they can eventually process the emotional content, understand it, come to terms with it and then move on. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to deal with the hurt and pain, all they can do at the time is suppress it, hide it, or constantly distract themselves from the emotional baggage and get on with life, or so it seems, but in all reality, it often manifests itself as a personal issue, such as low self-esteem, major depression, or issues with insecurity, anxiety issues, panic attacks and eating disorders, amongst others. If you are trying to deal with, or sort through, your issues and emotional problems you do not have to do it alone Therapeutic options from life coaching, online counselling and psychotherapy can help resolve some issues overtime, and many people do find therapy helps them sort through the internal conflicts and difficult emotions involved, a therapy website like this is worth considering the worthwhile options.  Some common reasons people request online counselling & psychotherapy The two most common problems I see as an online therapist are mainly issues dealing with anxiety and abuse, below  is an overview of some common problems that I see working as an online therapist. Problems with Anxiety I often provide online therapy for people dealing with anxiety issues. Anxiety can be a very complex issue that many people struggle to control on a daily basis, it can start becoming a problem early on in life, or it can become an issue people experience in later life, it can grow over time or develop almost instantly after an emotionally upsetting or frightening experience, such as a physical attack or being betrayed by a cheating partner. Some anxiety is positive and very helpful, it actually works very well at keeping us safe, by creating uncomfortable feelings that can bring our attention to possible physical dangers, it will also heighten our awareness of possible situations, that maybe socially unacceptable and affect the persons social standing, or emotionally hurtful. Trying to solve the anxiety conundrum? How much anxiety should we be feeling at any given time? What does a normal level of anxiety actually feel like?  One of the things that can work against you when trying to reduce your levels of anxiety is your own unrealistic expectations, most people feel anxious in certain situations. Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes people can be very hard on themselves, expecting to much and lacking any self compassion, are you over thinking things? Have you developed a bad thinking habit that keeps activating your imagination, looking for and expecting to find fearful things where there are none? Are your own judgements about yourself creating more anxiety, for instance, if you think that you should not feel anxious when attending an interview for a job you really want, that is an unrealistic expectation that will set you up to fail and even create a lot more anxiety, this is where therapy can help. Anxiety is part of you, it’s not some outer force working to harm you, it is actually an inner force trying to help you stay safe, therapy can help you to address the problem, actively supporting you while trying to solve your relationship with yourself and your anxiety. Online counselling using a therapy service like this may help you achieve some success. More info Managing Stress Life is stressful, we all understand that in this world we will have to deal with all kinds of stress inducing experiences at some point in time, and in general we usually cope with it. But there can be a price to pay if all we do is cope with situations and carry on regardless, what does coping actually mean? well it does not mean that people solve any problems or actually deal with the issue creating the stress in the first place, it may only indicate that they have managed to continue to contain the internal pressure and end up adjusting to the extra load they carry and continue on as before. Sometimes there is no fixing it, right? If you find yourself losing your job or going through a messy divorce you have no choice but to carry on and cope as best you can, right? Well yes and no. How you manage your stressful thoughts and feelings is going to make a big difference to the impact stress has on you especially over time, if you learn to better understand how your physical actions and your emotional health can increase or decrease stress, you will be better equipped to handle the real problem that is long term stress. More info Let me tell you a simple fact about coping. Short term worry and anxiety created by stress is not pleasant to experience but is also not generally permanently debilitating, but suffering long term stress can over time negatively affect your physical and mental health. A simple fact is that people who cannot share their problems or are not able to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings, will not do as well in the long or short term. People who have a very supportive network of friends and family, will cope much better with any life changing experiences and may even recover faster, not everyone has a good support network, but that’s where therapy becomes essential. The ability to talk to a person who is not directly involved in your life, like an online counsellor or psychotherapist, can be a very valuable option for finding support. With this online therapy service I have been providing ongoing support for all kind of life changing events, I add an extra element to the mix of choices available. Coping with depression and recovery from being depressed

Are you coping with depression?

If you are feeling depressed or struggling to cope with low moods and feelings of hopelessness? You’re not alone, depression is a very common condition that can last from a few days, months or even years, unfortunately for some people it can also be a chronic lifelong problem There is no outright medical cure for depression, you can’t just take a pill to make it better like you can with antibiotics when curing an infection, no matter what the drug companies try to suggest. Antidepressants can be useful and valuable option for helping people suffering with depression, but they do not work for everyone, it can even make it harder to recover in some cases by dampening the ability to feel, or they may have unpleasant side effects. There is affective help and support for people with depression, and talking about it will often help, in lots of ways communicating how you feel can be an empowering experience reducing your isolation and loneliness, using therapy and speaking to an online counsellor can help you share the burden you carry in a safe place, you do not have to do this alone. If someone you loved was suffering with depression, would you want to help? If so, why not let people help you? Remember that the longer you put off help the longer it can take to recover. Some people for instance who have high pressure careers in the medical or mental health services, like Doctors surgeon’s nurse’s dentist’s psychiatrists and psychologists, often feel that admitting to being depressed, or asking for help with depression, will affect their careers, I wish I could say that is not the case, but unfortunately sometimes there is still a stigma, in my experience it has improved a lot, some employers are actively promoting self care and offer private counselling without fear of being stigmatised. The perceived stigma that it brings can put off many people from seeking help sooner. Working online as a therapist I have talked to many people from the medical and mental health professions, who wanted support away from the normal support networks, I know that’s where online therapy has given them a safe confidential place to find help and support before it gets overwhelming. More info Surviving Abuse Unfortunately, there are many people in this world who are being abused and suffering actual physical harm and intense emotional distress or have been abused and are still trying to come to terms with life changing and distressing after-effects, either as children or adults. The physical damage and the emotional consequences don’t simply go away, they can remain to disrupt and dispossess the lifelong future prospects for living a productive life. But there is also hope, with professional assistance it is possible to reduce the emotional hurt and pain from the abuse. The after effects of abuse Post-traumatic stress disorder, complex anxiety and depression are common after-effects that can add a difficult dynamic to recovery, but people do make progress in time, and they can go on to lead a better happier life. Everyone responds to being a survivor of abuse in their own unique way, but there does seem to be some similarities that are often shared between them such as suffering damage to their level of self-worth and difficulty coping with feelings centred around guilt and shame. The first step to recovery One of the biggest and the most difficult steps towards recovery anyone can take, is actually building up the courage to talk to someone for the first time, about the abuse and what happened to them, this can be a very traumatic, vulnerable and emotional time, that needs to be experienced within a supportive compassionate respectful and emotionally sensitive environment. Remaining unseen by using sound only to have online counselling or psychotherapy is very helpful when talking about suffering from abuse, especially at an early stage in recovery. More info Problems with self-esteem? Problems saying no to others? That can suggest low self-worth and self-esteem issues. What does it mean if you place a low level of value on you as a person in your own right, or what happens to you if you don’t appreciate yourself as being as worthy or valuable as others are? You will find it harder to stand up to unfair demands or expectations placed on you by others and find it harder to appreciate your own abilities skills and opportunities, in turn your ability to succeed could be lowered by a lack of confidence stopping you from making beneficial life choices. Can you change who you are? Think of it this way, do you know who you can be? Your low self-worth is hiding who you really are, you are not trying to change your personality only reveal the true you. People who make changes and increase their self-worth sometimes find that they distance themselves from their usual friends and start to build new friendships based on a more equal and mutually respectful foundation, but this takes time and can feel like a lonely evolution, but eventually a better quality social network that provides support and trust evolves and replaces the old none supportive one. Do you have low self-worth, do you need to challenge your own thoughts about who you are and what maybe possible for you? Therapy can help. More info Problems with relationships Is your marriage in trouble? Having difficulty keeping relationships? Why did my relationship go wrong? People can have from the start or develop in time issues like jealousy or anger problems amongst others, even if the start seems promising over time problems with relating emotionally to their partner can become apparent, this creates an ever widening emotional distance between them affecting the very bonds like respect and trust they once enjoyed. People can forget that their partners are people who have their own thoughts and opinions hopes and dreams, they are independent entities in their own right, they need to be heard and understood to be able to better understand what is needed to help them feel loved enriched and respected. People who distance themselves from others or who are fiercely independent and think they do not need anyone else are actually excluding anyone from having a trusting and emotional connection with them, this can make any relationship difficult or impossible, people unable to make an emotional commitment can end relationships by creating situations to try and push away their partner when the relationship gets to a point in time when more commitment is needed, becoming angry or argumentative having affairs are just some of the problems that can be  evoked in this situation. Do I need to attend therapy with my partner? No you do not have to bring your partner into online relationship therapy, or when having marriage guidance to try and solve relationship problems. Many people find that having some therapy to help them cope with or find an answer to a problem is very supportive and helpful when they are without their partner, most of my clients have relationship guidance on their own. Why does love die? I find that people need two things to make a successful partnership, mutual trust and respect for each other, not all successful partnerships are based at the start from just love, arranged marriages can work out very well leading to a fulfilling partnership that builds on the respect and trust they have for each other becoming an emotionally strong and loving relationship in time. Not all marriages or partnerships propelled by mutual feelings of love will work out and not all arranged marriages will be unhappy ones, but in my experience if one partner loses their respect for the other, then trust will in all probability also become eroded and eventually the love they once held dear will diminish. Partnership braking events like discovering your partner is having sex with someone else or has been hiding the fact that they have an addiction and the consequentness have placed your home in jeopardy can be overcome in time if the right amount of commitment is still there, love and respect and trust can be shaken to the core but people do recover and sometimes make an even better relationship after working through the damaging  event. Before ending a relationship it is always worth having some therapy to see if this is what you really want. More info Sexual Identity & Sexuality Do you need to talk about sex? Do you find it embarrassing to talk about? One area that people find hard to discuss is their feelings centred on sexual identity and sexuality as well as confusion about their sexual expression and needs as a single person or while having a relationship. At any age and at any stage of a persons life questions centred around sexuality and sex can develop quite suddenly or grow over time until it becomes over whelming. Is it normal to feel this way? Who am I? Am I gay/straight/bisexual? Sexual uncertainty and confusion can place pressure on any relationship and overall effect the general happiness of your life. This can leave you feeling lost or uncertain about you and your emotional and physical desires. People who are in need of exploring questions they have about themselves on the subject of same sex attraction sexual fetishes or what is regarded normal in relation to sexual acts. They can feel a lesser amount of self-conscious feelings and more able to say what they need to when opening a channel of communication about the subject. The issues surrounding sex and relationships can often be difficult for you to talk about openly and honestly, when you are confused about your sexuality or sexual needs, this can make you feel isolated and stressed, this can also affect your relationships and self-worth, you may feel confused and hurt as well as depressed, you may understand how the anxiety is stopping you from finding new partners or enjoying the relationship you already have. Guilt and embarrassment are common reactions to sexual experiences that have left the person involved feeling confused about their sexuality when they have no need to be, this is where using sound only while having online therapy can be helpful. More info Learning to take on responsibility for your life The word responsibility can evoke thoughts of being tied down, or an overall loss of autonomy, it can appear to be about obligation and duty to others, it can even induce feelings of fear and anxiety at the prospect of being held accountable for their actions and choices in life. We do have a responsibility toward others in society, people are responsible for the love and wellbeing of their children, you are responsible for how your actions impact on the lives of the people around you.  Irresponsibility If you are judged to be mentally fit and of an aged to be seen as being accountable for your actions, being irresponsible does not reduce your responsibility towards others around you. Your actions can affect the lives of people in very damaging ways, a drunk driver who tries to offload guilt by blaming the car or the other person is still responsible for the choices they made. People suffering from Mental health problems such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy commonly do not accept responsibility for their own actions, they constantly blame others, a burglar may blame the person who they stole from for having an open window, it becomes the other persons fault, they ignore the fact that as a burglar they had made the choice to enter the property and take the contents without consent.   Learning to take responsibility Not everyone in therapy is ready to take on more responsibility, it can take time for them to grow the emotional confidence necessary, before they can take that step, it is not easy to adjust to life’s choices especially if a person has just managed to step away from a very controlling and abusive relationship. Lacking in confidence when dealing with low self-worth or insecurities is a common problem faced by many people trying to make changes to their lives, helping to adjust with counselling or psychotherapy is a good option as it enables change at a pace that is comfortable and sensitive to the individuals abilities, it can take time for confidence to grow and care is needed not to push people into taking on to much responsibility to quickly. When we take responsibility for our life does that lead to a lack of independence? No in fact the opposite is true, if we take full responsibility for our own lives we then have more freedom to do what we want when we want. If we take no responsibility for our actions does that make us unaccountable? Generally, every action and non-action is still your responsibility, culpability maybe more complex depending on age and mental health considerations, but if you make a choice, you are normally responsible for that action and how it impacts on others. If we leave the responsibility for our life choices to others is that becoming compliant? Either through controlling, abusive or fearful situations the ability to make choices can be taken away from people, they can actively give away their responsibility for their own lives by freely surrendering their freedoms as examples, committing to a religion or ideology or entering military service. Taking back control of your life If you feel that your life is out of control, or that you need or want to change your life? It may to some degree be about your ability to take the responsibility for your actions and life choices away from others. To be able take control of your life, you have to take the responsibility for that life and the choices you make, today, tomorrow and in the future. Taking responsibility for your thoughts actions and life choices means that you are actually free, you have the freedom to make the choices you want in the time that you want, when you want to. Freedom can be a very scary prospect, if you have always been told what to do and been told what to think, by family abusive people or peer groups and religious or cultural pressures, the idea of being held accountable for your choices maybe a alarming prospect, but this will depend on what is more important to you, the autonomy to make your own choices, or the freedom to accept your life as it is and continue as before. When we take the responsibility for our life we can actually help make change possible even when it seemed to be an impossibility before.
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Online counselling &

Psychotherapy

Common questions and most

requested support options

How long do you need to stay in therapy? The number of therapy sessions needed will be dependant on a number of conditions, firstly how complex are the issues involved and what does the client want to achieve. A seemingly simple problem to the client set around becoming more confident, could lead to the therapy uncovering major problems with self- worth and low self-esteem, stemming from being bullied at school or child abuse, a much more complex problem emerges that will need more time. So, it is almost impossible to discover how many sessions you will need from the first consultation. A good way to measure this is to reassess the therapy every four sessions or so and ask, Have I made any progress? do I need more therapy? What do I want to do now? How long will it take to feel any benefit from therapy? Many people feel that the first online counselling or psychotherapy session has made a difference to how they feel, some feel lighter and better-off and others can feel emotionally tired but less confused, the experience is always going to be unique to the person, it will also vary considerably form person to person, but normally I find the outcome is usually positive and constructive and well received. A client’s expectations can have very important impact on progress, someone who has very little self-compassion and has unrealistic expectations, can set themselves up to fail. Expecting to much progress can make any benefit they notice look like a disappointment, not a beneficial change, this is where the therapist can help support the client by challenging their expectations and maybe building self- compassion. Sometimes a lot of fast beneficial changes can have its own problems, it can take time to adapt to the new way of being, becoming more confident will often bring more experiences and opportunities, that can mean more social contact, and that can be a bit unnerving at first until they get used to it. How long you will take to feel any benefit from having therapy online will depend on your expectations and ability to change. Recovering from traumatic life changes As people we are all individuals and when we have experienced a traumatic event in our lives it can have a major impact on our ability to cope, and finding a way past it can take a life time. Online therapy can help speed up the time needed for recovery from past trauma or help you to start to live a new life, by remaining hidden from the on-line therapist it can help you feel less exposed and safer and help you feel more relaxed and able to talk with less anxiety. Past experiences have a way of holding people back, post-traumatic stress and constant negative thoughts and feelings may surface or keep you from connecting with the people you love, self-blame or low self-worth issues can limit your own ability to find a better future.

Some common thoughts

How do I get past this? I need to find some answers? How do I cope with this? This needs to change? Feeling worthless right now? I need to talk? I need to sort out my head? I need to find a new me? Why do I feel this way? We all experience life’s up and downs and generally manage to cope, when we experience life changing events like a death of a loved one, or the loss of a partner through divorce or separation, it becomes an event that changes how we feel about our life and who we are as people. These changes and experiences sometimes gives us a sense of wisdom and a deeper knowledge about ourselves, but it can also hold us back, limiting our life in ways that can seem like an unending struggle,  problems like depression, self confidence, low self esteem, and other issues can arise that can change how we view our ourself. The university of life and hard knocks When we were born no one gave us instructions on how to become a person in our own right, there was no exams in growing up to pass before we embarked on living our own life, we learned by trial and error and our family became our school of emotional and behavioural education in the first early and teenage years. The problem with learning from example, is that a family can include people who have their own unique emotional and behavioural problems, difficulties with all kinds of abuse within a family can also have a major and lasting effect on a person’s future life, parents can unknowingly pass on bad examples they learned from their family, carrying on the abuse from one generation to another.

Supportive family

Even if we have a good supporting and loving family, we can still have experiences that have a lasting impact on our life, such as experiencing a marriage or relationship breakdown, being bullied in school or experiencing a traumatic event. Most people eventually learn to cope in ways that allow them to carry on, people often use therapy for support, or they manage on their own if they can eventually process the emotional content, understand it, come to terms with it and then move on. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to deal with the hurt and pain, all they can do at the time is suppress it, hide it, or constantly distract themselves from the emotional baggage and get on with life, or so it seems, but in all reality, it often manifests itself as a personal issue, such as low self-esteem, major depression, or issues with insecurity, anxiety issues, panic attacks and eating disorders, amongst others. If you are trying to deal with, or sort through, your issues and emotional problems you do not have to do it alone Therapeutic options from life coaching, online counselling and psychotherapy can help resolve some issues overtime, and many people do find therapy helps them sort through the internal conflicts and difficult emotions involved, a therapy website like this is worth considering the worthwhile options.  Some common reasons people request online counselling & psychotherapy The two most common problems I see as an online therapist are mainly issues dealing with anxiety and abuse, below  is an overview of some common problems that I see working as an online therapist. Problems with Anxiety I often provide online therapy for people dealing with anxiety issues. Anxiety can be a very complex issue that many people struggle to control on a daily basis, it can start becoming a problem early on in life, or it can become an issue people experience in later life, it can grow over time or develop almost instantly after an emotionally upsetting or frightening experience, such as a physical attack or being betrayed by a cheating partner. Some anxiety is positive and very helpful, it actually works very well at keeping us safe, by creating uncomfortable feelings that can bring our attention to possible physical dangers, it will also heighten our awareness of possible situations, that maybe socially unacceptable and affect the persons social standing, or emotionally hurtful. Trying to solve the anxiety conundrum? How much anxiety should we be feeling at any given time? What does a normal level of anxiety actually feel like?  One of the things that can work against you when trying to reduce your levels of anxiety is your own unrealistic expectations, most people feel anxious in certain situations. Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes people can be very hard on themselves, expecting to much and lacking any self compassion, are you over thinking things? Have you developed a bad thinking habit that keeps activating your imagination, looking for and expecting to find fearful things where there are none? Are your own judgements about yourself creating more anxiety, for instance, if you think that you should not feel anxious when attending an interview for a job you really want, that is an unrealistic expectation that will set you up to fail and even create a lot more anxiety, this is where therapy can help. Anxiety is part of you, it’s not some outer force working to harm you, it is actually an inner force trying to help you stay safe, therapy can help you to address the problem, actively supporting you while trying to solve your relationship with yourself and your anxiety. Online counselling using a therapy service like this may help you achieve some success. More info Managing Stress Life is stressful, we all understand that in this world we will have to deal with all kinds of stress inducing experiences at some point in time, and in general we usually cope with it. But there can be a price to pay if all we do is cope with situations and carry on regardless, what does coping actually mean? well it does not mean that people solve any problems or actually deal with the issue creating the stress in the first place, it may only indicate that they have managed to continue to contain the internal pressure and end up adjusting to the extra load they carry and continue on as before. Sometimes there is no fixing it, right? If you find yourself losing your job or going through a messy divorce you have no choice but to carry on and cope as best you can, right? Well yes and no. How you manage your stressful thoughts and feelings is going to make a big difference to the impact stress has on you especially over time, if you learn to better understand how your physical actions and your emotional health can increase or decrease stress, you will be better equipped to handle the real problem that is long term stress. More info Let me tell you a simple fact about coping. Short term worry and anxiety created by stress is not pleasant to experience but is also not generally permanently debilitating, but suffering long term stress can over time negatively affect your physical and mental health. A simple fact is that people who cannot share their problems or are not able to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings, will not do as well in the long or short term. People who have a very supportive network of friends and family, will cope much better with any life changing experiences and may even recover faster, not everyone has a good support network, but that’s where therapy becomes essential. The ability to talk to a person who is not directly involved in your life, like an online counsellor or psychotherapist, can be a very valuable option for finding support. With this online therapy service I have been providing ongoing support for all kind of life changing events, I add an extra element to the mix of choices available. Coping with depression and recovery from being depressed

Are you coping with depression?

If you are feeling depressed or struggling to cope with low moods and feelings of hopelessness? You’re not alone, depression is a very common condition that can last from a few days, months or even years, unfortunately for some people it can also be a chronic lifelong problem There is no outright medical cure for depression, you can’t just take a pill to make it better like you can with antibiotics when curing an infection, no matter what the drug companies try to suggest. Antidepressants can be useful and valuable option for helping people suffering with depression, but they do not work for everyone, it can even make it harder to recover in some cases by dampening the ability to feel, or they may have unpleasant side effects. There is affective help and support for people with depression, and talking about it will often help, in lots of ways communicating how you feel can be an empowering experience reducing your isolation and loneliness, using therapy and speaking to an online counsellor can help you share the burden you carry in a safe place, you do not have to do this alone. If someone you loved was suffering with depression, would you want to help? If so, why not let people help you? Remember that the longer you put off help the longer it can take to recover. Some people for instance who have high pressure careers in the medical or mental health services, like Doctors surgeon’s nurse’s dentist’s psychiatrists and psychologists, often feel that admitting to being depressed, or asking for help with depression, will affect their careers, I wish I could say that is not the case, but unfortunately sometimes there is still a stigma, in my experience it has improved a lot, some employers are actively promoting self care and offer private counselling without fear of being stigmatised. The perceived stigma that it brings can put off many people from seeking help sooner. Working online as a therapist I have talked to many people from the medical and mental health professions, who wanted support away from the normal support networks, I know that’s where online therapy has given them a safe confidential place to find help and support before it gets overwhelming. More info Surviving Abuse Unfortunately, there are many people in this world who are being abused and suffering actual physical harm and intense emotional distress or have been abused and are still trying to come to terms with life changing and distressing after- effects, either as children or adults. The physical damage and the emotional consequences don’t simply go away, they can remain to disrupt and dispossess the lifelong future prospects for living a productive life. But there is also hope, with professional assistance it is possible to reduce the emotional hurt and pain from the abuse. The after effects of abuse Post-traumatic stress disorder, complex anxiety and depression are common after-effects that can add a difficult dynamic to recovery, but people do make progress in time, and they can go on to lead a better happier life. Everyone responds to being a survivor of abuse in their own unique way, but there does seem to be some similarities that are often shared between them such as suffering damage to their level of self-worth and difficulty coping with feelings centred around guilt and shame. The first step to recovery One of the biggest and the most difficult steps towards recovery anyone can take, is actually building up the courage to talk to someone for the first time, about the abuse and what happened to them, this can be a very traumatic, vulnerable and emotional time, that needs to be experienced within a supportive compassionate respectful and emotionally sensitive environment. Remaining unseen by using sound only to have online counselling or psychotherapy is very helpful when talking about suffering from abuse, especially at an early stage in recovery. More info Problems with self-esteem? Problems saying no to others? That can suggest low self-worth and self-esteem issues. What does it mean if you place a low level of value on you as a person in your own right, or what happens to you if you don’t appreciate yourself as being as worthy or valuable as others are? You will find it harder to stand up to unfair demands or expectations placed on you by others and find it harder to appreciate your own abilities skills and opportunities, in turn your ability to succeed could be lowered by a lack of confidence stopping you from making beneficial life choices. Can you change who you are? Think of it this way, do you know who you can be? Your low self-worth is hiding who you really are, you are not trying to change your personality only reveal the true you. People who make changes and increase their self-worth sometimes find that they distance themselves from their usual friends and start to build new friendships based on a more equal and mutually respectful foundation, but this takes time and can feel like a lonely evolution, but eventually a better quality social network that provides support and trust evolves and replaces the old none supportive one. Do you have low self-worth, do you need to challenge your own thoughts about who you are and what maybe possible for you? Therapy can help. More info Problems with relationships Is your marriage in trouble? Having difficulty keeping relationships? Why did my relationship go wrong? People can have from the start or develop in time issues like jealousy or anger problems amongst others, even if the start seems promising over time problems with relating emotionally to their partner can become apparent, this creates an ever widening emotional distance between them affecting the very bonds like respect and trust they once enjoyed. People can forget that their partners are people who have their own thoughts and opinions hopes and dreams, they are independent entities in their own right, they need to be heard and understood to be able to better understand what is needed to help them feel loved enriched and respected. People who distance themselves from others or who are fiercely independent and think they do not need anyone else are actually excluding anyone from having a trusting and emotional connection with them, this can make any relationship difficult or impossible, people unable to make an emotional commitment can end relationships by creating situations to try and push away their partner when the relationship gets to a point in time when more commitment is needed, becoming angry or argumentative having affairs are just some of the problems that can be  evoked in this situation. Do I need to attend therapy with my partner? No you do not have to bring your partner into online relationship therapy, or when having marriage guidance to try and solve relationship problems. Many people find that having some therapy to help them cope with or find an answer to a problem is very supportive and helpful when they are without their partner, most of my clients have relationship guidance on their own. Why does love die? I find that people need two things to make a successful partnership, mutual trust and respect for each other, not all successful partnerships are based at the start from just love, arranged marriages can work out very well leading to a fulfilling partnership that builds on the respect and trust they have for each other becoming an emotionally strong and loving relationship in time. Not all marriages or partnerships propelled by mutual feelings of love will work out and not all arranged marriages will be unhappy ones, but in my experience if one partner loses their respect for the other, then trust will in all probability also become eroded and eventually the love they once held dear will diminish. Partnership braking events like discovering your partner is having sex with someone else or has been hiding the fact that they have an addiction and the consequentness have placed your home in jeopardy can be overcome in time if the right amount of commitment is still there, love and respect and trust can be shaken to the core but people do recover and sometimes make an even better relationship after working through the damaging  event. Before ending a relationship it is always worth having some therapy to see if this is what you really want. More info Sexual Identity & Sexuality Do you need to talk about sex? Do you find it embarrassing to talk about? One area that people find hard to discuss is their feelings centred on sexual identity and sexuality as well as confusion about their sexual expression and needs as a single person or while having a relationship. At any age and at any stage of a persons life questions centred around sexuality and sex can develop quite suddenly or grow over time until it becomes over whelming. Is it normal to feel this way? Who am I? Am I gay/straight/bisexual? Sexual uncertainty and confusion can place pressure on any relationship and overall effect the general happiness of your life. This can leave you feeling lost or uncertain about you and your emotional and physical desires. People who are in need of exploring questions they have about themselves on the subject of same sex attraction sexual fetishes or what is regarded normal in relation to sexual acts. They can feel a lesser amount of self-conscious feelings and more able to say what they need to when opening a channel of communication about the subject. The issues surrounding sex and relationships can often be difficult for you to talk about openly and honestly, when you are confused about your sexuality or sexual needs, this can make you feel isolated and stressed, this can also affect your relationships and self-worth, you may feel confused and hurt as well as depressed, you may understand how the anxiety is stopping you from finding new partners or enjoying the relationship you already have. Guilt and embarrassment are common reactions to sexual experiences that have left the person involved feeling confused about their sexuality when they have no need to be, this is where using sound only while having online therapy can be helpful. More info Learning to take on responsibility for your life The word responsibility can evoke thoughts of being tied down, or an overall loss of autonomy, it can appear to be about obligation and duty to others, it can even induce feelings of fear and anxiety at the prospect of being held accountable for their actions and choices in life. We do have a responsibility toward others in society, people are responsible for the love and wellbeing of their children, you are responsible for how your actions impact on the lives of the people around you.  Irresponsibility If you are judged to be mentally fit and of an aged to be seen as being accountable for your actions, being irresponsible does not reduce your responsibility towards others around you. Your actions can affect the lives of people in very damaging ways, a drunk driver who tries to offload guilt by blaming the car or the other person is still responsible for the choices they made. People suffering from Mental health problems such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy commonly do not accept responsibility for their own actions, they constantly blame others, a burglar may blame the person who they stole from for having an open window, it becomes the other persons fault, they ignore the fact that as a burglar they had made the choice to enter the property and take the contents without consent.   Learning to take responsibility Not everyone in therapy is ready to take on more responsibility, it can take time for them to grow the emotional confidence necessary, before they can take that step, it is not easy to adjust to life’s choices especially if a person has just managed to step away from a very controlling and abusive relationship. Lacking in confidence when dealing with low self- worth or insecurities is a common problem faced by many people trying to make changes to their lives, helping to adjust with counselling or psychotherapy is a good option as it enables change at a pace that is comfortable and sensitive to the individuals abilities, it can take time for confidence to grow and care is needed not to push people into taking on to much responsibility to quickly. When we take responsibility for our life does that lead to a lack of independence? No in fact the opposite is true, if we take full responsibility for our own lives we then have more freedom to do what we want when we want. If we take no responsibility for our actions does that make us unaccountable? Generally, every action and non-action is still your responsibility, culpability maybe more complex depending on age and mental health considerations, but if you make a choice, you are normally responsible for that action and how it impacts on others. If we leave the responsibility for our life choices to others is that becoming compliant? Either through controlling, abusive or fearful situations the ability to make choices can be taken away from people, they can actively give away their responsibility for their own lives by freely surrendering their freedoms as examples, committing to a religion or ideology or entering military service. Taking back control of your life If you feel that your life is out of control, or that you need or want to change your life? It may to some degree be about your ability to take the responsibility for your actions and life choices away from others. To be able take control of your life, you have to take the responsibility for that life and the choices you make, today, tomorrow and in the future. Taking responsibility for your thoughts actions and life choices means that you are actually free, you have the freedom to make the choices you want in the time that you want, when you want to. Freedom can be a very scary prospect, if you have always been told what to do and been told what to think, by family abusive people or peer groups and religious or cultural pressures, the idea of being held accountable for your choices maybe a alarming prospect, but this will depend on what is more important to you, the autonomy to make your own choices, or the freedom to accept your life as it is and continue as before. When we take the responsibility for our life we can actually help make change possible even when it seemed to be an impossibility before.